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Mother In Law Stereotypes: The Abominable Iceberg

Code White, Level 1 - Iceberg Mom, The Stoned Maidens

Code White is dedicated to the mother-in-laws that are embedded in the web of society. This stereotype mom may rarely make an appearance in your life. Or, she may be so wrapped up in her own life that she doesn't give a whang about her offspring's.

Although this is the least-threatening of the ten levels, a Code White can certainly create problems in a relationship.

The offspring may feel unloved by mom and you may have to fork over additional attention and constantly offer support, compliments, encouragement and advice to your mate - because you, indeed, have now taken over the role of 'spouse & mother'. The offspring may be male or female.

IDENTIFYING THE ICEBERGS

The Moping Mother -In-Law

"You took my daughter away from me.

I cannot function (i.e. go shopping) without her."

More often than not, this type of mother-in-law effects the male counterpart of the relationship. 'Mother dear' will blame you for taking away her best friend and playmate.

But don't fret because this mother-in-law dilemma is generally very easy to fix. Even if you cannot stand your mother-in-law, encourage your female counterpart to join Mother on outings as SHE sees fit. 'SHE' is a very important key word.

You should never allow Mother to take the reins, because it establishes a pattern for future events. Your wife or girlfriend should always designate the time that is spent with Mother when you aren't in the picture. Of course, she will want to plan the event at a time that is convenient for Mom, too. It's just very important that your female counterpart retain control of the situation.

If control is not retained, these possibilities could arise:

Mother could begin popping into your house and relationship without prior notice.

"You took my daughter away from me.

I cannot function (i.e. go shopping) without her."

Mother could overtake your position on the totem pole, removing your head and replacing it with her own.

Mother could decide that she enjoys these free sprees so much with her beloved daughter that they become a daily occurrence, thereby erasing any quality time that you could spend with your soul mate.

Mother might end up ruining her own life because she could become dependent upon her daughter's companionship rather than seeking her soul mate.

Therefore, encourage occasional outings, with your female counterpart taking care to designate the time that is spent with Mother. Until Mother comes around to favoring your presence as much as she does her daughter's, try these suggestions:

Give Mother hugs when you see her and always be polite. In turn, be certain to give your soul mate hugs in front of Mother.

Be patient, especially if you are in the first 24 months of your relationship. After this time, chances are that you might even appreciate your other half getting away so that you can enjoy some quality free time with yourself.

Mean Mother-In-Laws Have Cold Lips

You've put forth every effort to be a decent in-law, yet 'mother' has shown no sign of warming up to you. In fact, her words are nothing more than cold rejections with your name written all over her stone-cold lips.

Meet Brenda and Bill. They've just arrived at Brenda's mother's house for dinner. The table is set with the finest china, the most exquisite crystal, and the most linen of napkins. Mother wouldn't think of using Bounty for this elaborate occasion!

Bill greets Mother with a kiss to the cheek to which she responds (after twisting her head away from him), " Please, I've just had my hair done."

From somewhere in the distance, Bill recalls Brenda easing out those same words late night....

Bill and Brenda follow Mother down the long winding hallway, their feet caressing the oriental carpeting along the way. Mother delivers them into the family room, then disappears to touch up her hair which Bill 'messed up'. Even though she didn't actually come right out and accuse him, the look she delivered to him said all.

Fifteen miserable minutes later, the old Ice Maiden returns and leads them westward, this time over tiles of Italian marble. " Cold marble, just like Mother's lips," Bill speculates in silence.

The magnificent dining area suddenly unfolds, looking as cool and crisp as Mother. " Nice layout," Bill offers in an attempt at civility.

"Humph! If you knew me, then you'd know not to expect anything less!!" Mother hurls out viscously, a bit of spit spewing through her gray-toned choppers. Bill winces, imagining that he momentarily sees fangs.

Mother edges up to the table and Bill offers to pull out the chair for her. Stiffened Mother delivers a curt nod, then allows Bill to pull the chair away from the immaculate table. When she instinctively bends to sit on the plush chair, Bill accidentally slings the chair away causing Mother to fall and break her back.

Well....that's not actually what happened, but it's what Bill would have liked.

So how does one get along with an old battle ax like this Mother?

Remember your roots. You married your wife, not her mother. Therefore, don't make the extra effort of tying to win someone over that's bent on 'not liking' you! If you must win her over, this lady is one that likes challenges.

Odds are, she was a spoiled little brat when she was growing up. She always got everything she cried for and then some. And when she wanted something and didn't get it, she did anything necessary to make it her own.

So if you really want to make points with this type of 'Mother' then maybe it's time to play hard to get.

Rockpile Mother in Law

When Mother's got a permanent record.

We all have skeletons in our closet and sometimes, those skeletons turn out to be our mothers. If your Mother-in-Law has had a run-in with the law, the following might be of help in trying to accept the tarnished situation.

When we think of 'mothers' and 'fathers' and of elderly people, most of us generally envision these kind, caring, wonderful souls! In a perfect world, that's how things would be. But this isn't a perfect world - and it's a good thing that it's not. If the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.

Nonetheless, just because someone is elderly doesn't always mean that they've led a righteous life OR that they are currently leading a righteous life. Criminals come in all shapes, all sizes and in almost all ages these days.

If Mother is one of the unfortunate ones to be locked away, your best bet is to remain at arm's length. Of course, each situation is going to depend upon the nature of the crime, so certainly let that be your guide.

If your mate's Mom is incarcerated, they may feel like her unworthy seed. They will probably be embarrassed and will want the lockup to remain a secret. If so, your mate will almost always require additional attention from you as there will be a need for reassurance. This is necessary and quite normal for a person in this type situation. However, if your mate becomes increasingly depressed over Mom's situation - so much so that it absorbs their own life, then it's time to seek a bit of professional counseling to help get things back onto a normal level.

And if Mother gets released and pays you a visit, you may want to hide the silver.

Sonny, Can You Spare a Dime?

This Mother never comes around until she's out of loot and needs more FROM YOU, of course!

If you and your mate hold down secure jobs and you've got your budget out of the red, then helping Mother out might not be a real strain. Annoying, yes - but money wise, not a biggie.

And it's perfectly normal to feel annoyed when someone takes the money and runs.

On the other hand, if you have low-paying jobs and children to feed, the Begging Mother can get old pretty fast. At this point, you must pause and TOGETHER WITH YOUR SPOUSE, you'll need to weigh up the situation and find a solution to Mother's needs.

Situation #1 - Mother is spending YOUR money on frivolous items, such as unique vases for her home.

SOLUTION: Tuff t-bone, Mom!

Situation #2 - Mother is spending YOUR money on food because she cannot afford to buy it herself. This type situation requires a few more steps in order to arrive at a solution.

a. Mother is unable to work.

b. Mother can work but won't.

SOLUTION: If Mother is unable to work, seek out the available options in your community if your own funds are sparse. There are several programs that can come to the rescue in circumstances such as this. If Mother does not qualify, then you'll need to find a way to cut corners because she'll need your help to survive. And although it's really rough on your own budget, she probably feels terrible in her situation.

If Mother can work but won't, then you'll have to give her a little push by cutting back on her allowance. If she loves you, she'll understand. If not....tuff cookies.

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