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THREE FAIRY TALES

Goldlilocks & the Three Fairies as told by Qwin, the Fairy

Once upon a time, a long time ago, lived Three Fairies in the wood. Their names were Papa Fairy, Mama Fairy and Baby Fairy. One fine morning, Papa Fairy cooked up some Fairy Tale Pudding for breakfast, with added multiple vitamins. But there was a BIG problem. The whipped topping was hard and frozen and Papa Fairy's pudding just wasn't pudding without whipped topping.

"I know what to do!" Mama Fairy exclaimed. "Let's go play Trip the Old Witch while our topping thaws."

Papa Fairy and Baby Fairy were delighted. Before much time passed, they were in the wood searching for the mean witch that lived in the forest. Tripping her would be lots of fun. In the meantime, back at Fairy Cottage, a little elfwich named Goldilocks came along. She was tired. She had been helping Old Witch of the Woods trip little children all day long and her dogs were killing her. She peered into the house, but being an elfwich, she was far too short to see anything except the ceiling. "Humph! I'll just go inside!" she decided in a huff. Goldilocks was always in a huff. It was her cranky elfwich way.

She had barely opened the door when Fido the Fairy dog attacked her. Goldilocks screamed, ran from Fairy Cottage and never wandered in the woods again. Papa Fairy, Mama Fairy and Baby Fairy returned home after tripping Old Witch of the Woods three times and enjoyed Papa's famous Fairy Tale Pudding. The End

Garth the Troll

And as all good fairytales begin… 'Once upon a time in days of old there lived Garth the Troll, also known as Troll of Garth. You see, although Garth appeared very miniscule at first glance, in the village of Troll he was very big. So big that the legion of trolls residing in the west wing of the forest named their lair after him. Garth was quite an ugly troll - his face nestled a set of crooked eyes. He had strong teeth too, which would generally lead one to believe this was an attribute. However, Garth's teeth were rather obtuse and spacey.

One stormy night as Garth was marching through the forest he came across a very beautiful princess. (What would a fairytale be without a princess, right?) Her hair was as gold as gold; her lips were as red as blood; her skin…well, her skin held a green hue to Garth's sharp crooked eyes, however it was past midnight and the moon wasn't generous tonight. A thick blanket of stars lay spun overhead but the moon had hidden himself for the evening. Garth had been foraging for food and his ax was weighing heavily on his lopsided shoulder. As he set the ax against a rotted elm trunk he detected a slight murmur from the young beautiful greenish princess.

"Why do you cry, young maiden?" he curiously inquired, his voice deep and raspy like a genuine troll - which he was. The princess looked up, her fragile face framed by the luminous starlight above as she tried to focus on the face of the intruder.

"I have very right to cry," she assured him, tears continuing to streak her beautiful face.

Garth uncrossed his eyes momentarily and challenged, "How so, young attractive maiden? Your hair shines like gold; your lips are as red as blood; if not for that skin discoloration you'd be perfect." He paused to consider his next words then told her, "Look at me, fair maiden. I am nothing more than a furry fireplug; my eyes are crossed, my teeth look like a chaffed corncob - yet you complain?"

"Oh ugly troll, I am not what I appear to be," she insisted, drying her eyes to view him entirely now. "And that is why I weep." She paused, sniffing the remains of the cry then continued, "It happened a fortnight ago as I was hopping through the wood. An evil witch cursed me and turned me into…into…..into….this!"

Garth narrowed his eyes. "An all too-familiar story," he eased out thoughtfully. "I've heard rumor of this witch. Pray tell, fair maiden, what were you before?"

The princess eyed him intently and said, "A frog, ugly troll."

Garth smooth a gloved hand over his lavender-colored chin and eased out, "Hum, that would explain the greenish tint. And are you to remain in this frogless state for eternity?"

"Oh yes, I fear I might," the frog-princess told him. "Unless…unless I am kissed by an ugly troll - only that will break the spell." She paused to consider her words and looked at Garth with new eyes. "My, how convenient - you are a troll, and fortunately an ugly one at that," she admired.

As you can guess, our hero troll saved the day, reverting the beautiful princess into the toad that she was. The moral of this story is, "You can't judge a princess by looking at her color." The End

The Fairy & the Pea as told by Darla Fairy

Once upon a time, a long time ago, lived a beautiful and fragile Fairy named Fairy. In the adjoining kingdom lived a handsome and strong Fairy, named Price Fairy. He searched daily for two things. One, a Princess Bride, and two, his container of deodorant which never seemed to work anyway. Poor Prince. He smelled so bad that none of the Fairies of the Kingdom would date him. And those that had, now had singed nose hairs.

One summer day, Fairy was skipping through the valleys and hills of the Kingdom. Looking on the ground, she spied something very pretty, very unusual, very green. It was a pea! Peas always bring Fairies good luck! It was her lucky day! She sniffed hard for she caught something rank in the air. She suddenly noticed a Prince, and he was wearing a crooked crown.

"Hark! Fairy Maiden, but you have found the lucky pea," Prince told her with a mischievous smile.

"Lucky pea?" she asked, suddenly confused. And where was that awful scent coming from?

"Oh yes! It was decreed in the Kingdom that whoever found the Lucky Pea would take my lucky hand in marriage," Prince went on to divulge. So he took her away and Fairy wasn't totally resistant. After all, she would be Princess Fairy now. She would have all the gold she could ever want and live in a very large palace. And she had figured out what that terrible rank smell was. Prince. He needed a special bath in chlorophyll.

The wedding was magnificent! Princess Fairy was breathtaking as was Prince. Little Lin, the Prince's younger brother, handed out clothespins to the guests so that they could enjoy the Wedding Ceremony. During the Wedding Feast, Princess Fairy & Prince were seated at one end of a very, very, very, very, very long table supported only by a tamed dragon's tail. The guests were seated at the other end.

Night time fell and Princess Fairy was contemplating her wedding night. She couldn't bear the thought of being kissed by Prince again, and this time without the veil. He smelled worse than two pots of eaten beans. Then she was suddenly struck with a wondrous idea! As Prince took one last evening walk in the garden, killing flowers along the way, Princess Fairy went to work. She collected her Lucky Pea from her fairy pouch and said a few magic words. Poof! And when Prince returned he had left his rotted scent behind him....

Fairy & the Beanstalk as retold by Ima Fairy

Once upon a time there lived a middle-aged woman who had a son named Weston. Weston was good but he didn't have the brightest wings on the block. One day, Weston's mother said, "Weston, we have nothing left to eat in our hut save one small bean. You must take Bullah the Cow to market and sell her for a fair price. We will then visit Tom Thumb's and buy all the bread and roasted lamb that we can eat!"

"Yes, mama," Weston eased out, quite happily. He would be thrilled to haul Big Bullah into town. Weston skipped happily to town, Bullah waddling behind him. In town Weston met a man wearing a top hat along the way. He spoke with an English accent that sounded a bit funny and silly to Weston's flared ears.

"Woe, boy! Where are you taking this fine cow?" he asked Weston.

"To market," Weston told him with an innocent-looking face.

The man observed Bullah. "What if I give you a bean for this damaged old cow? You won't even get that at the market."

Weston scratched his hat. "Damaged? I didn't know she was damaged. You are probably right. Her underbelly is always swollen. But mama said to take Bullah the Cow to market. I must be good and obey her."

The man leaned over and whispered to Weston, "What does she know? She's a woman."

"Oh! So right!" Weston agreed, and with that, he handed Bullah's reigns to the man and held out his hand for his bean transaction.

"Is this a magic bean?" he asked the man who now supported a smile. Little did he know that Bullah would live a very rich and full life in the stranger's extra large barn. Her payment would be her fresh milk.

"No, it's a Great Northern Bean," the man told him. "Now, get along, boy, I've work to do and places to go. Come, Bullah!"

Weston was still scratching his hat as he watched Bullah and the stranger disappear from site. He felt bad. It wasn't quite right, him getting a nice fresh bean and the poor old man a damaged cow. That thought bothered him a good thirty seconds, then he began skipping towards home. When he got home, his mother ran to greet him.

"Weston, my dear boy, how much did you unload Bullah for at the market?" she asked in an excited tone.

"I did very well, mother," Weston told her with a beaming smile. "I traded her for this bean!"

He held out his hand and his mother's face fell as her eyes touched the bean.

"It's a Great Northern Bean, mama! We will plant this and have many beans. We will no longer be hungry."

"You idiot!" his mother tossed out impatiently, snatching the bean from his wet palm. "This is a magic bean! We'll be rich, Weston!"

Alas, it came to pass. Weston and his mother never longed for anything ever again. As for the stranger, Bullah the Cow tripped and fell on him as they continued their journey homeward. He was crushed instantly and Bullah danced away, down the trail. She met a very handsome bull who had a sister named Elsie. And they, too, lived happily ever after! The End

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